Matthew 19:1-9
Everyone who is a Christian believes it takes three to make a great marriage. And no, its not a man and a woman, and an anxious mother-in-law. Its God, a Christian man and a Christian woman.
It is the belief of Christians that marriage is a divine institution, meaning God meant it for God’s people. Other divine institutions are government and the church.
Something strange entered my thinking the other day:
Q: Why do non-Christians even get marry? Even non-religious people often want a “church wedding.” What’s up with that?
A: It must be because marriage was here before any kind of “faith system,” going back to the very first man and woman, Adam and Eve. It should be easily established that it is God’s will for men and women to marry.
That identifies for us what is missing in marriage today: God. All kinds of people, from all kinds of background, from all kinds of viewpoints are weighing in on marriage...giving their two cent which obviously isn’t worth a dime.
If marriage is ever to work we have to know and love and obey the One who thought up marriage—God. Jesus believed and taught that God joins people together.
In this series we are calling “Getting it Together,” would you agree with me that there is no place that is in greater need of “getting it together” than in our marriages? Agreed. “What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder.”
Let’s go through this process of marriage, looking at what the Bible says and relating it to marriage.
1. GETTING TOGETHER...finding a mate.
How can you explain this “urge to merge”?
Alone, Genesis 2:18. Of Adam God said, “It is not good that man should be alone.” Men, that’s another great place for an “amen.” After all the resounding “God saw that it was good” statements following each day of creation, this is the first “not good” thing in God’s perfect creation.
God made man in such a way as to need and desire companionship on a human level. Adam enjoyed a ….
· Perfect body...no disease, total health, without a gym membership.
· Perfect environment...no smog, no global warming, etc.
· Perfect provision...possessed everything physically (food, shelter).
· Perfect job...he enjoyed naming and tending to God’s creation.
· Perfect retirement plan...he would live forever.
· Perfect intimacy with God...nothing like it before or after.
Yet, Adam was “alone.” And “alone” is very close to “lonely.” So our Almighty, wise, sovereign God gave Adam some surgery and created for him an “help meet.” The idea is that God gave Adam exactly what he needed. This is what the miracle of marriage does—it gives us a lifetime friend and companion.
You must come to the place where you understand that they lady or man in your life is more than nice; they are absolutely necessary. Marriage is not about finding someone to live with; its about finding someone you can’t live without. Its about sharing your life with someone.
Attraction, Genesis 2:21-23. God took one of Adam’s ribs...this was no side issue. After Adam awakened from his divine surgery, God may have said, “Adam, I have someone I want you to meet.” His reaction was immediate excitement! Adam called her “Wow man!’ After that he probably said, “Where have you been all my life!” And the connection between Adam and Eve was so immediate, so significant and so complete that the two were actually one. Nobody had to give Adam a course on this one belongs to you. “Here, at last,” Adam says. “Wrap her up, I’ll take her. No, second take, I’ll take her just like she is!”
Now, some are saying in our day, “Well, I’m attracted to someone of my own sex.” There is a “gender crisis” in our age, declaring that people should be given the right of marriage if they are same sex. Did Jesus have anything to say about it? Look at Matthew 19:4. “Have ye not read, that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female.” The current homosexual agenda is a pathetic distortion of God’s creation. It is the fastest growing perversion of our times. (I probably won’t be able to run for political office after that.) At the appropriate time, parents must educate their children against this evil. Our children and grandchildren will live in the world who are “without natural affection,” 2 Timothy 3:3.
Affirmation by the parents, Matthew 19:5a. “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother…” Implied in that statement is the recognition and approvals of the parents.
1 Corinthians 7:39 “Only in the Lord.”
2 Corinthians 6:14 “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.”
2. JOINED TOGETHER...the ceremony and union.
Do you see the phrase that is repeated twice? Verse 5 “The twain (two) shall be one flesh.” Verse 6 “Where they are no more twain (two), but one flesh.”
Here is the marriage equation: 1 + 1 = 1. Now, that is not new math, but the only plan for marriage that works. In marriage….Eve had been “custom built” and was brought to Adam by “special delivery. And the two of them were joined in marriage.
Joined together spiritually. “What God hath joined together.” This moves marriage into a category of relationships entirely different from any other. You may have had your marriage done by a minister in a church building. If you were married before a judge or a justice of the peace, Romans 13:1 informs us they serve as God’s ministers in government. But the real one who presides over marriage is God. Folks, we had better start taking marriage serious again because it is sacred!
Joined together sexually. This statement, “one flesh” is a reference to sexual intimacy. God created you for sex and your parents created you by sex. Sex is God’s idea, and most of us think it was a great idea! “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge,” Hebrews 13:4. What is great after marriage is a gigantic mistake before marriage. What is wonderful in marriage is wrong outside of marriage. What God gave to marriage is a blessing; what people abuse outside of marriage is a blight.
3. GROWING TOGETHER...then the work begins.
Marriage is where the “real person” shows up after the ceremony and honeymoon. Think about it: two different people staying together and growing together for a lifetime. Wouldn’t you say that is a gigantic challenge?
Do you see the two words Jesus uses to describe the “growing together” in marriage in Matthew 19:5. They will be easy to remember: “leave” and “cleave.”
· Leave...severance...first said to Adam and Eve who had no parents, but would be the first parents. Let your children “leave” to start their own lives.
· Cleave…permanence...remove all options to dissolve the marriage.
Takes time...nothing automatic. “Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine he automatically deserve great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believe that he (or she) automatically deserves success in marriage,” Sydney J. Harris (1917-1986).
Takes trust...nothing assumed. Call your spouse and let them know what’s going on.
Takes trouble…nothing avoided. The speaker at a woman’s club was speaking on marriage and asked the audience how many of them wanted to “mother” their husbands. To the speakers surprise one woman in the back row raised her hand. “Do you want to mother your husband?” the speaker asked. “Mother? I thought you said smother.” - Readers Digest, Oct 1993 -
4. STAYING TOGETHER….”divorce proofing” your marriage.
“What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder,” v.6.
During the 20th century the divorce rate rose an amazing 700%. “Houston, we have a problem.” And the reason divorces have declines in recent years is because they have given up on marriage—people are just living together.
And as tragic as divorce is, there are people who are still legally married who are in a “living divorce.”
Why are there so many divorces? Matthew 19:7-8 “Because of the hardness of your hearts…” Go back to the Garden of Eden and recall that our original parents became sinners by disobedience and that changed everything. They tried to “fix” their new problem with some “aprons of fig leaves,” Genesis 3:7. Once detached from the tree, what does a leaf do? It withers and die—not a very good solution to a long-term problem. They knew what they did was inadequate and incomplete because when God showed up they hid. Have you ever wondered, “Why did Adam and Eve cover their reproductive organs?” Before, they were naked and not ashamed, Genesis 2:25. God had made them to join Him in making new human beings who had the potential of living with God forever. Paige Patterson suggests, “Adam and Eve were mortified about the exposure of those organs because by those organs they were going to perpetuate the memory of their rebellion against God. Every son, every grandson, every great-grandson right on down the line until now—all have been affected by the sin of Adam...Later, when they discovered the bloody, bludgeoned body of their son Abel, they could only say, ‘Look what we have done.’ “ Whosoever Will, p. 38.
During a friendly argument a husband asked his wife why she had married him in the first place. Teasingly she said, “I was just stupid.” Instead of upsetting the husband, he was visually pleased, so the wife asked why he was happy with that answer. The husband said, “People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love. But I’ve never heard of anybody falling out of stupid.”
Let think quickly about eight way we can “divorce-proof” our marriages.
Stay Connected….Do things together, even when you don’t both like them. When sin showed up in Adam and Eve’s life they first hid from God and then they hurled at each other, playing the “blame game,” damaging their already fragile relationship. The only thing positive about their relationship was there was no one else—they had to work it out.
Stay True….I have yet to meet the first person who was glad they broke their wedding vow and were unfaithful to their partner. Remember those vows you made, to your spouse and to God. Keep them!
Stay in Love…At first in marriage, love is an emotion. Johnny Cash sang, “We got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout.” But a lot of marriage have lost their emotional love. I’ve got news for you: real love is not an emotion. Emotional love is “puppy love” and it leads to a dog’s life. Real love is a choice! If Eve ever asked Adam, “Do you love me?” he could only answer, “Who else?” To Adam Eve was his “EVErything, EVEryday, forEVEr.”
Stay Flexible...The older you get the less flexible you are. I don’t bend over as easily as I once did. Now, when I bend down to tie my shoes, I look around and see if there is anything else I need to do while I am down there. “Blessed are the flexible, for the will not get bent out of shape.”
Stay out of Debt…Most marriages never have more money than they need, so they need to learn as a couple how to earn, save, spend, give, invest… and to stay out of debt. You may say, “Preacher, its too late. We are already in debt.” Well, you carelessly played your way into debt, it is time to carefully pay your way out of debt! The greatest “debt cancelation” took place on the cross when Jesus died, all other debts are going to take some time.
Stay in Church…The influences of permissiveness, irresponsibility, and escapism is all around you. And when I say, “Stay in church,” I don’t simply mean to deposit your body in a building. When I say, “Stay in church” I mean that both of you get under the positive influence of God’s Word, God’s Spirit, God’s pastor, God’s people, and God’s standards.
Stay Put...Working through your problems in marriage is harder than walking out, but it is the best way, the Scriptural way. The real goal in life is not to find happiness, but to glorify God!
Stay Together...God doesn’t want anyone going in and out of marriage like it was a revolving door. Monogamy means “one man, one woman, one lifetime.” The only except is death, which allows the survivor to marry, but “only in the Lord,” 1 Corinthians 7:39.
Conclusion
A couple married for 15 years began having more than usual disagreements. They wanted to make their marriage work and agreed on an idea the wife had. For one month they planned to drop a slip in his and her “Fault” boxes. The boxes would provide a place to let the other know about daily irritations. The wife was diligent in her efforts and approach: “leaving the jelly top off the jar,” “wet towels on the shower floor,” “dirty socks not in hamper,” and one and one until the end of the month. After dinner, at the end of the month, they exchanged boxes. The husband opened his first, reflecting on what he had done wrong and promised to do better. They the wife opened her box and began reading. There were 31 notes, all the same. The message on each slip was, “I love you!”
Man, I wish I had thought of that!
There are plenty of marriages in the Bible, some failures, some successes. Let’s learn from the failures and set our heart to succeed in the most important earthly relationship—marriage.
You ask, “Preacher, why do you say marriage is the most important earthly relationship?”
Turn to Ephesians 5:25 for the answer. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it.” Marriage is the greatest earthly relationship because it reminds us of what Jesus died on the cross and how much He loves us. And Hebrews 12:2 adds Christ endured the cross for the “joy” of that which was set before Him—bringing those who are saved into eternal relationship with Him. He wanted us to be with Him so much that He had His Son die to satisfy divine wrath against our sins, so now...God can look on us without displeasure and we can look on God without fear.